In the event of a water landing...

Traveling yesterday for the Bama-Michigan game in Dallas. Me, K & Boat - MGD's with his dad this weekend & seems to miss all the cool stuff...reminds me of when I used to travel alone with MGD. On Southwest, you get to pick your seats...I'd let him run wild while we were waiting to board & then once we got our family boarding on, I'd work his little ass into a frenzy so that no one would want to sit beside us. Free seat for the boy ;-). I'd withhold snacks...toys...whatever it took - when he got older, it was a game we both enjoyed. Now, The Scream Game will get you kicked off an airplane before you get a chance to board. But then? Free seat fucking GOLDMINE & that kid was (& still is) an amazing traveler. He'd take his seat, play with his toys, eat his snacks & take a nap. Karma's coming back to smack my ass with Boat. We play The Scream Game, but kid plays to WIN. Boat ain't fucking around, people. Prime. Time. Playa. Doesn't sit still worth shit & will drop a damned donkey in his diaper. Ever changed a duced out diaper in an airplane bathroom? K has now ;-) I swear to God, I don't see how anybody manages to join any sort of club in one of those things. Fabrications. Ain't a goddamned thing happening in there. Can't be. Unless the 2 people are super short (stackable!) or super skinny...but who wants to think about that? It's like 2 sticks trying to start a campfire...

We finally got to DFW!!! That kid wore me the fuck OUT. Half a smidge of damned nap & that was while we waited FORFUCKINGEVER to take off. Wasted. Thanks. And we had to sit next to some Michigan guy. Your hand ain't enough of a blinder or sound barrier to block out this boy. Sorry ;-). We practiced our "Roll TIIIIIDE!"s. A lot. Loudly. Got a "Tiiii" out of Boat for the 1st time. His father's upset. I couldn't be prouder ;-)

Luggage took forever. Or maybe they just lull you into thinking it's just gonna be right there because you come off the jetway into a crowded as shit too small waiting area, walk through a revolving door & Poof! Luggage carousel! It takes a few minutes, but i slowly started to realize they were just fucking with us. It just sits there until I started having thoughts like, "Somebody better start this goddamned carousel before I monkey my ass down that chute!" And then my husband took his shoes off...at baggage claim. Seriously? What the fuck is going on here? Are we animals? Who's in charge? P.S. my suitcase is awesome. Giant & houndstooth...Gotta eyeball that thing just in case somebody gets the bright idea to scoot on with it...

I have never seen a bigger, more spread out airport than DFW. PTL the hotel shuttle guy knew where the hell he was going because I'd have declared an IKEA - "I can't get there from here. I can see it, no goddamn clue how to get there. Either you're gonna have to keep my kid or you send him over the wall." Within 5 minutes of checking into the hotel, Boat figured out how to disassemble the air conditioner & unplugged the lamps.

Passed OUT during the SC - Vandy game. Went to sleep thinking about how James Franklin should have had them review that pass interference & wondering why in the hell he didn't??? I hope he got a brick through his window when he got home...But he probably didn't because nobody cares that much about it up there. That's why you're Vanderbilt. Wuss. If you wanted a football team, you'd be elsewhere. Like Alabama.

Roll Tide!

Longer, leaner, faster, stronger!
Ashley