Took the small one to storytime today. I hate the women that go to these things. But I go to these things...so I'm aloofly conflicted ;-) I know what you're about, MomOf2WeirdLookingSmallKids. Smug over some shit that you didn't even do. Oh he poops in the potty already? Fantastic. Sugarpants fingerpaints at a 3rd grade level? Awesome. Let's face it - you got drunk off some super potent margaritas and 9 months later...GeniusBabyAstronautSuperModel. I get it. I have 2 perfect children, myself ;-) I understand. But nobody cares. Not really. Your kids are not their kids, so fuck your kids. And the more you talk, the less inclined I am to rein in my juggernaut of a child. I will casually check facebook as he takes the book from BabyGenius. Didn't see a thing. AstronautSuperModel just lost her seat on the stage? I hate that...I really do...so much...inside. Keep talking and I'll let him dig through your Chanel purse behind your stroller and chew on the strap. I'm bigger than you, apparently way more assholey'ish & used to people staring at me, so bring it, Flash Cards.
BTW - Storytime Lady does not shave her legs. I think that if I were to commit to the "I'm never gonna shave my legs. Ever." lifestyle, I could manage to only wear pants...except maybe at home, where my man legs could run free. Can't say that it's a practical decision. Granted, there is the huge financial break of no razors and subsquent investment in Muppet bandaids, but still. That's got to be hot...temperature hot. Unless you're into that sort of thing, then I guess it would be supersexyfine.
Not working out today because Shaun T fucked up my back with his bastard ways and I did my hair...which rarely happens so I'm extremely inclined to drag this shit out until I look borderline homeless...again.
How the hell is my roast not done after - seriously - 6 hours? I keep poking at it & wishing for laser eyes. Then I thought, "If I had laser eyes, I wouldn't be cooking a goddamned thing. Ever." Just shooting holes in stuff, threatening people with it. Driving would be out of the question - I will already open my door a teensy bit too far if you park TOOFUCKINGCLOSE to my car because you can't park worth shit. And seriously, once you *GRAZE* the house with a front fender, it really just doesn't matter.
Maybe if I jiggle the cord...
Longer, leaner, faster, stronger!
Ashley
....and this is why we're friends!
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