Spend time with your kids so Peyton Manning doesn't have to

I love Peyton Manning.  Not in a "wanna be your dirty girl" kind of way, but more like a buddy type situation.  Like hanging out, drinking beer and eating nachos.  BBQ Pork nachos.  But if he leaves to go to the bathroom, he may come back to an empty plate.  Those are unapologetically the rules.  "Leave your shit unprotected & it may not be your shit anymore".  We could watch football and talk about what a dick his boss is.  You know you're going to be on tv, Elway.  No gum!  Can't even keep that shit in his mouth & it just makes him look like an even bigger asshole than he already is.  But Peyton...Not that he's not a handsome man...he DOES keep it high and tight, but I feel that we could be amazing friends.  I would even let him inject my as-yet-unconceived 3rd child's placenta into his neck (or wherever you get stem cells from...placenta, umbilical cord, Europe, whatever...shit that I won't be using).  Got to keep that machine tip fucking top.  K had a conference in Indianapolis last summer & I wanted to go so that Peyton could maybe deliver The Boat.  I mean, if I show up unannounced on his doorstep super pregnant and technically in labor, he'd HAVE to do the Christian thing...but 1. they won't let you on an airplane when you're just hanging out at 4cm and 2. elbow deep in God's country would potentially make the post-labor beer and nacho gathering more than a bit awkward.  "So...."  "So...yeah."  "UmmmHmmm."

BTW - made that thing in the picture yesterday and it sucked.  Don't make it, even though it looks super enticing and you'd think that there's NO WAY to fuck up peanut butter, chocolate AND M&Ms...but you'd be wrong.  It's like the Devil planted that stupid ass recipe on the side of that cake mix just to screw with you & be all "Haha!  Gotcha bitch!"

Sucks.  Sucks.  Sucks.  Sucks.  Sucks.

Longer, leaner, faster, stronger!
Ashley